


springtime funk ;; patlisa

by pinkpatrick



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: F/M, it's cute call the cops on me, patrick's a teacher and elisa's the counselor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 01:40:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10821057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkpatrick/pseuds/pinkpatrick
Summary: "Did you really try to get Pete fired?""After that stunt? And you didn't?"





	1. one ;; patrick

Pete Wentz has got to be the worst teacher alive. There are teachers that take advantage of students and occasionally kill people, but that is nothing compared to what he did this time. Pete himself still doesn’t even know how he got hired onto a team of faculty who actually have the responsibility of existing around children. None of the children really got it, either, but offensive jokes are great when you’re trying to write a strongly morals-based story. Today, the fan favorite was, “What did the girl with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? I don’t know, she couldn’t open it.” There was another joke about a bomb and a girl named Maggie, but he was saving that for another time, possibly in the unit that they’d read tons of books by war heroes. 

In class today, Pete felt in his barren heart that it was obligatory to talk about how wonderful our community here at Glendale High was. He mustered the strength to stand. Wait, what strength? Not moral strength. It was purely physical. Just like his, ‘connection.’ with Vice Principal Hoffman. Anywho, he stood at the front of the awfully painted, beige classroom and proceeded to talk about the many ways to find inspiration, one being taking a look around at what’s happening.

“For example,” he started, snapping his fingers until an idea struck him. “Here, at school. You miss so much shit when you’re not stayin’ alert, y’know? Like how Burgener’s kids are adopted, and Hamilton screams at kids for hugging each other. What’s goin’ on in their heads? What’s happening on the inside?” He pauses, tapping his foot on the cornflower blue carpet, speckled with other colors like red, yellow, green. “From what I can tell, you guys are always writing the obvious shit. Like how Stump has the hots for Yao.”

And that’s where it went awry. At that moment, it occurred to Pete, that he had definitely fucked up. Mostly because the kids laughed as if it were a joke, and Wentz, ever so impulsive, felt the need to keep going. “No, seriously-- wait, you guys didn’t notice? Nobody here smiles at each other unless they’re super close, they’re putting on a show about manners for a bunch of freshmen, or, there’s some unresolved issues there, if you know what I mean.”

Now, the kids erupted into a sea of laughter, some held their heads, some clasped their arms around their stomachs, and some rolled their eyes into the back of their heads. But, the point is, he did tell them a falsification, and the obvious lie was enough to get a reaction out of anybody in the room. Even the kids who swore they’d tattoo something about how sad they are, and how they’d never smile on themselves, they were having a grand old time, according to several witnesses.

The fabrication was enough to spark an interest in multiple students, specifically four, to write a narrative about their history teacher, and their guidance counselor, in a meaningful relationship that takes many sour turns, crashes and burns multiple times, until their problems magically vanish out of thin air, and they decide to elope.

You can imagine how that affected the workplace environment, and how it spread a notion that is not true, and will, frankly, never come true. Office romance is nothing to joke about, especially when in the company of impressionable children who will stop at nothing to be laughed with and become far more appreciated by their peers.

This story, now widespread in our school building, has sparked many different occurrences in history class, which one of the starring roles in our story just so happens to have the majority of students in. 

Yesterday, a girl named Gina wrote an epilogue about how simple and perfect their married life must be, and how happy they’ve been together. This prompted her to read it aloud to the entire class, when they were meant to be reviewing for an upcoming test. It was entitled, ‘Teach Me How to Love: The Later Years, On Tenure Track.’ Well, guess what? Gina got a C-, so, karma wasn’t on her side in the first place.

These predicaments cause many people, I’m sure, to thank the lord that Mr. Wentz is a probationary teacher, and they have no obligation to grant him severance, come time for the board to terminate him.

And these are the reasons why I have contacted you on this fine day. Please understand that this is not slanderous, and the only misconduct was happening when Peter Wentz essentially, intentionally misled an entire school building of young and vulnerable people. I wish to make it understood that there aren’t many candidates lining up to take his position, but a substitute for the time being, would not be an unwise choice. I hope you can take my words to heart, and comprehend why I contacted you, Liberty Public Schools Board of Education, rather than the administration at Glendale High. (See my brief explanation above on his relationship with higher-ups.)

Sincerely,  
Patrick Stump


	2. two ;; allie

It was an eventful Thursday for Elisa Yao. In just 5 hours, she had 47 students in her office. It was crazy. Bunches of students kept requesting schedule changes, and she noticed a common theme. Most requested schedule changes for their history teacher. They wanted to be in Stump’s class. “Well, I don't blame you there,” she says to one student. The young girl squeaked, she couldn't believe it. Shown affection?? She’s gotta report it to the FicClique. She thanked Ms. Yao, and went on her way. 

Now, the staff all takes their lunch breaks very seriously. ONLY teachers are allowed in the breakroom, but Elisa manages her way in. All of the teachers have come to her for help at some point in each semester. It’s inevitable, she's the most helpful counselor. Besides being a classes counselor for students, she deals with people’s emotions. She’s a great counselor because she cares about her students and she is empathetic. When she was in school for counseling, she had to learn how to be less caring. Anywho, she’s great at her job because she’s so caring. 

Elisa’s relationships with the teachers allows her easy access into their places on campus. The staff are just like the students, each group has their place. Elisa gets to go between social groups, it’s nice. She loved the way Mr. Stump, one of the history teachers, always would let her into the room. He knows her knock. Its not just a knock-knock-knock. It’s more of a knock-knock-knock-knock-knock, pause, knock-knock. On this certain Thursday, she does her knock at the door, then hears a bunch of scuffling before Wentz opens the door. She doesn’t personally like Wentz. He kept asking her out all of last spring and wouldn’t take the hint. He looked as if he was up to something, he gave her a smile and stood aside so she could walk through the door. 

“Hey,” Pete greeted, smiling. “Sorry, I know you’re disappointed. I’m not your lil’ ginga boi.”

“I don’t-?” 

The staff erupted in laughter, and Elisa was confused. Why was everybody laughing? That Christmas staff party where she and Patrick kissed.. That was last year. She looked around the room and found that Patrick wasn’t here. “Where is he?” She decided to ask as she approached a vending machine. 

“He left,” Pete said simply. “He was embarrassed, and he was angry.”

“Why?” Elisa fed the machine a dollar and a quarter, selecting a bag of Sun-Chips. “What happened to embarrass him.. And it is very hard to anger him… What happened?” 

Pete just shrugged. “Hell if I know, have a good lunch break.” 

“You too,” Elisa took her food and left. She really wonders what happened… When Elisa got back to her office, that was the real treat. Stump was already waiting there, sitting on the wooden bench outside of the door. “Afternoon,” she greets. His face immediately flushed, and he stood up straight. 

“U-uh.. Hi!” He grinned, looking at his hands. “Um… Uh.. You know-! Pete’s students are j-just like him! And.. And whatever the rumors become… We can’t let them get to us, okay?”

Alright, now she was really confused. “What do you-?” The stinking bell cut her off. 

“You.. You haven’t heard it?” Patrick asked, blinking. 

“Heard what??” 

“N-Nothing! Nothing at all!” He’s suddenly even more flustered. “Sorry to bother you! Have a good day,” and with that, he ran off. Took off like a cat when it hears a loud slam. Elisa sighed to herself, shaking her head as she stepped inside of her office. Her day finished with more and more requests to be in Stump’s class for history, and a few students wanted into other math classes. She just went through the works, making it to the last fifteen minutes of the day without any connections with other staff. She had just started to pack her items when she heard a tap on the doorframe of her office, and she heard the voice of one of her favorite people. 

“Eliiiiiiiisaaaaaa,” the voice of Pete Wentz rang out. 

“You left class early to come here? Best not be asking me to dinner again, the answer is still no.” 

Pete sighed and stepped inside, looking at her as he leaned over the desk a bit, his hands resting just at the edge a bit. “I’ve moved on, Elisa. Believe me. I’ve evolved past that, I don’t need to bang counselors anymore. Plus, I’d like to think of myself as more of a wingman now-”

“What do you even-”

“Hey,” Pete’s voice lowered a bit in an attempt to sound threatening, which failed. “Don’t you know it’s rude to interrupt people? ANYWAYS, I sent you an email to one of my student’s drafts for their final project. Can you read it for me?”

After a long pause and a dramatic sigh, Elisa decided to look up at Pete. “Why would I read your student’s final paper?” 

“Well,” it took Pete a while to think of an excuse to have Elisa read it. “I think you might find it interesting, you might like it. This student is Tyler fucking Joseph, Elisa. I’ve never seen such a poetic writer in his age group before. Let me know if you enjoy the story. Email me back, k?” 

“Sure,” Elisa says. “Why not?”

“Thaaaaaaaaank you,” Pete sounded more like an obnoxious teenager after they get their Starbz drink than ever. “Buh bye.”

Thankfully for Elisa, he left.


End file.
